2 Jan 2011

Horse to Water - The Decluttering War

"The first step to recovery is to admit that we are powerless over our addiction." Hmm...what else? Here I am googling on the Twelve Steps Program while waiting for the King of All Hoarders to take his royal bath. We are about to stomp out into the open chilly Bangkok air in search of boxes. I am here seated in my sewing room awaiting his majesty's state of readiness. "Don't forget to the puff powder on your nose daahhling!" I shout from my chair.

I've dragged this Danish horse to the water, sprinkled rose scented petals to make it more inviting and have already commissioned the straw of all straws to be made especially for this occasion. I honestly believe that hirrupping the water through straws made from the virgin hands of the Royal harem would do the trick. But I am still waiting. No slurping sounds have emitted from the corner in which he stands.

So yes, I've dragged this horse to water. But hell, you can't make it drink...or can you? He he he. There are more tricks up this decluttering queen than you would believe. And wait a little more my patient reader, this 'ol horse of mine will be gulping water like the blue hump back whale in no time.

For starters he's already agreed to begin the process of decluttering with me. He has already made it a commitment to get our home in a state of readiness - all part of his one and only New Year's resolution. This morning the Ikea bed we dragged through the airport customs years ago now belongs to our maid, Pepsi. The rattan balcony chairs will also be hers. Oh what satisfaction! Trim! Trim! Trim!

I am desperately trying to remember Oprah's most important decluttering tip. Rather than saying, "Darling, can we get rid of all your blardy junk?" I am to say demurely and respectfully, "Darling, how can we make this space work for the both of us?" It goes against what has been ingrained in me by John Gray which is to spell our clearly what I (Venus) want and need from my Martian. But I will try it. I promise I will keep my face sombre and all serious.

Oh yes, he is ready for our outing. Let's see how far we go in this latest Mr. and Mrs. Henriksen venture.

Joob! Joob to all in the Kingdom of Clutter.

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